Here's the two forms, with all the correct signatures (a total of 12 signatures, I believe). Please check everything is in order and go ahead with setting up the account. It should only take a day, yes?
... and then they said "we need that guy to be identified, tell him to take two pieces of ID with his name and address on to his local branch". Yes, yes, he's been on our records for the last seven years, but he doesn't hold an account with us, see? He could be anyone by now.
So I asked him to go ID himself at his local branch. And he did. Except they said not that piece of ID, thank you very much. Utility bills are fine, official documents from government agencies are not. Procedures, eh? Not our fault, got to follow them.
Oh, but wait. The local branch can do a search on the electoral roll, and fax through the ID to us and we're good to go. No, of course we can't do the search at this end. It has to be done with him stood in front of us. Just get him to pop back into the local branch. They'll fax it through, and we'll get everything set up lickety-split, don't you worry.
Oh, except the fax was illegible, we can't read the address and we certainly can't call our colleagues at the local branch and ask them to recite it. We have to see it ourselves. So now we're waiting for the original photocopy to arrive, should be here some time tomorrow, sorry and all, but procedures eh?
Oh, and we're now waiting for an official document from Companies House. Well your accountant may have been successful providing notarised photocopies for every other customer account they've ever set up, but not for us. Hey, procedures. We don't make 'em, we just follow 'em.
Oh, and we need to wait for the results of our own search with Companies House too. What? There's a website? Well, sure, we could look on there and sort everything out in minutes, but that's not what the rules say. We need an official printed report sent via mail. Procedures, eh?
Oh, that document your accountant provided? Turns out it would be fine, but they've written some "we certify" yadayada all over it - any chance you could fax through a fresh copy? Yes, we know we gave you back the photocopy you provided us with at the start of the week, silly us, eh?
Oh, but wait. We see your colleague has multiple surnames, used interchangeably. We're oh-so-very English here, don't you know, so we don't quite understand how that can happen. No Johnny Smith Browns here, thank you very much. Johnny has to pick between Smith and Brown. We need you to make sure they are all consistent. So please fill out this form and fax it back to us, then we'll be all set. Yes, we know he held an account with us for many years and we've personally met him dozens of times, but them's the rules. Procedures, eh?
So can you just fax back this document, and then we'll open the account. Oh, no, we can't do any transactions on the day it opens, we have to wait a day.
You want to transfer funds? Without a mandate and a waiver? Good grief! You'd better come into the branch then, hadn't you. It could be anyone on the other end of the phone, you know. We can't just trust any old fax we receive either, heaven only knows who could be sending them. Well yes, we've done the same thing for you for years and years, but this is a different account, see?
Procedures, eh? We don't make 'em, we just follow 'em.
Posted by savs at February 22, 2007 11:27 AMAt least the company had your paperwork!!
In the middle of mortgaging, and company lost our paperwork, or financial advisor has eaten it, although this is the same company that states "24 hours" initial processing to advise if application is a yay or nay, and then tells you that it means 24 working hours! That'll be 3 days then!!!